Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function