Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
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I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
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i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
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and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..