i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
