its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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