me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
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My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
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She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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