Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Send us your Text From Last Night!
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
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HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
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How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.