Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
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and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart