I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".