I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It's never too late to be topless.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...