She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
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I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
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So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.