All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me