Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.