I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.