Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.