I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.