Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
