I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
