I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
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there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was