I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.