Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.