Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.