I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Send us your Text From Last Night!
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.