i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
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You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
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I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
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After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.