i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
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This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
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Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
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Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.