I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to