im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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