Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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