Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god