Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
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He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
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I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
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No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.