Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
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I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
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It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.