Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
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Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
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and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
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Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.