just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?