The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.