she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
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They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
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Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
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Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.