the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Dating After Heartbreak
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace