The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
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Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS