You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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