Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
