Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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