Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
Dude. She just shit herself.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.