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    (402): View more from Nebraska

    Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.

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    Replies (34) Good night (3240) Bad night (748) Order T-Shirt
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    (732): View more from New Jersey

    used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick

    (732): View more from New Jersey

    i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.

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    Replies (59) Good night (531) Bad night (2215)
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    (630): View more from Illinois

    i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...

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    Replies (33) Good night (2920) Bad night (646)
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    (720): View more from Colorado

    Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."

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    Replies (26) Good night (5070) Bad night (475) Order T-Shirt
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    (617): View more from Massachusetts

    but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back

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    Replies (30) Good night (859) Bad night (2216) Order T-Shirt
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    (518): View more from New York

    after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.

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    Replies (43) Good night (8089) Bad night (583) Order T-Shirt
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    (631): View more from New York

    there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby

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    Replies (13) Good night (674) Bad night (2089) Order T-Shirt
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    (847): View more from Illinois

    I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?

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    Replies (12) Good night (2899) Bad night (476) Order T-Shirt
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    (973): View more from New Jersey

    i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers

    (1-973): View more from New Jersey

    can u grab me a application

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    Replies (11) Good night (2634) Bad night (355) Order T-Shirt
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    (910): View more from North Carolina

    i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"

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    Replies (33) Good night (899) Bad night (2127)
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    (719): View more from Colorado

    so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.

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    Replies (28) Good night (1092) Bad night (2753) Order T-Shirt
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    (619): View more from California

    pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story

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    Replies (12) Good night (2434) Bad night (393) Order T-Shirt
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    (203): View more from Connecticut

    Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.

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    Replies (40) Good night (842) Bad night (2629) Order T-Shirt
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    (336): View more from North Carolina

    haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?

    (919): View more from North Carolina

    i cant lie to you.

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    Replies (56) Good night (685) Bad night (2853)
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    (440): View more from Ohio

    dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...

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    Replies (8) Good night (428) Bad night (1793) Order T-Shirt
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  • (303): Colorado
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  • (859): The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow http://t.co/sQOeFAaf
  • (270): him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
  • (627): The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
  • (402): Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
  • (724): A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
  • (303): Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.

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