Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.