I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.