Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
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You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne