He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...