Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Send us your Text From Last Night!
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.