Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Follow @tfln