My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
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She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
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I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.