He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
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My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.