You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle