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    (850): View more from Florida

    lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.

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    Replies (35) Good night (4169) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
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    (410): View more from Maryland

    I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk

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    Replies (85) Good night (5457) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
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    (602): View more from Arizona

    I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"

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    Replies (17) Good night (630) Bad night (3205) Order T-Shirt
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    (770): View more from Georgia

    I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.

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    Replies (51) Good night (1034) Bad night (4525) Order T-Shirt
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    (718): View more from New York

    i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.

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    Replies (67) Good night (602) Bad night (4441) Order T-Shirt
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    (773): View more from Illinois

    smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands

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    Replies (98) Good night (4524) Bad night (663)
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    (301): View more from Maryland

    i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend

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    Replies (62) Good night (2810) Bad night (1144) Order T-Shirt
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    (516): View more from New York

    i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk

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    Replies (63) Good night (9331) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
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    (972): View more from Texas

    Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"

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    Replies (58) Good night (4687) Bad night (531)
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    (410): View more from Maryland

    Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night

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    Replies (34) Good night (1102) Bad night (6089) Order T-Shirt
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    (224): View more from Illinois

    So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?

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    Replies (46) Good night (4366) Bad night (905) Order T-Shirt
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    (240): View more from Maryland

    Banned from zoo.

    (301): View more from Maryland

    Again?

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    Replies (44) Good night (17013) Bad night (1069)
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    (724): View more from Pennsylvania

    I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.

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    Replies (48) Good night (695) Bad night (5698) Order T-Shirt
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    (760): View more from California

    have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive

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    Replies (55) Good night (4390) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
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    (614): View more from Ohio

    i dont know whats so great about being respectable.

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    Replies (24) Good night (3257) Bad night (639) Order T-Shirt
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  • (859): The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow http://t.co/sQOeFAaf
  • (270): him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
  • (627): The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
  • (402): Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
  • (724): A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
  • (303): Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.

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