Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
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he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.