If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.