My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call