She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird