The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg