He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
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He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"