There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
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Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?