It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee