i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Send us your Text From Last Night!
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum