i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
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after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.