all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.