My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Send us your Text From Last Night!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....