Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
How's work?
Spinning.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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