If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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