so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Dear god my vagina.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.