Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
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Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...