I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
