I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Send us your Text From Last Night!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism