wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
