Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Send us your Text From Last Night!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
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he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.