I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
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I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready