Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?