I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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