Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
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It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
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she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
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I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.