You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
