sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.