I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
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Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
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I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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