You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...