I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
