Have you finally orgasmed yet?
false alarm. still invincible.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
