I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was