Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto