How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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