I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I am spending my child support on dildos
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize