im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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