Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.