I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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