Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
