Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
