either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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