I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.